Yes, I am blogging. I’ve decided to post at least once a week. So todays topic is:
I’m not sure that I’ve read anything more true than the quote above.
I was twenty-one when my daughter was born. I knew that I loved her, so much, long before I met her.
Nothing could have prepared me for the blow of emotions you feel all at once when you meet your child for the first time.
I was happy.
I was worried.
I was scared.
I was thankful.
I was everything that I’ve never been in that moment.
She brought everything good in me.
What everyone fails to tell you though is that because you love them so much, it means that your heart breaks over nothing.
All the time.
This morning I woke up at 7, a time that’s fairly normal for me to be awake. Payton doesn’t have to be awake until 7:30 so I decided to feed the kitten. She’s awake and meowing at my feet.
When I enter the kitchen I can see that my daughter, Payton is reclined in the love seat and she doesn’t look well. Her hair lays all around her in snarls, her face in blanched, and she’s huddled into herself.
I knew she didn’t feel well but I didn’t want to wake her to ask, in case she hadn’t slept that much. I shut the light off, covered her up, made sure she didn’t have a fever and walked back into my bedroom when I hear her call out, “Mommy, I don’t feel so well. My ribs hurt from getting sick.”
I hate that she’s in pain.
I really hate that she’s sick. She’s still little and understands that we all get sick sometimes, but seeing her have to be sick hurts me.
“One of my friends said that eating snow will make you sick,” She says.
“Did you eat snow?” I ask, knowing that she wouldn’t be reacting like this from eating a snowflake that fell from the sky.
“I did, only a little though. Not that much. That’s why I’m sick.”
She thinks that she feels this way because she ate snow. I hug her.
I explain that no, that’s not why she’s ill, I hold her, and she misses her school bus.
I kept her home today. We’re binge watching television and huddled under blankets.
I’m her mom, I will comfort and console her. I will protect her and teach her.
She is my heart walking around in this great big world.
She is my vulnerability.
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